A Power Ranking Of Dating App Pickup Lines
Because we can all do better than "hey."
When it comes to dating apps, everyone has a different end game. Some join Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc. to see if the hot guy in the office is single, while others are looking for a late-night hookup. And, believe it or not, some actually use the apps to find a partner they don't hate to share a bed with. But no matter the intention, everyone asks the same question: How the hell do you start a conversation after you match with someone? In an act of pure selflessness, I tried a whole bunch of conversation starters, from basic "heys" all the way to my favorite Nick Jonas lyrics. (No Kanye West tweets this time, though. Sorry, dudes.)
Here's the definitive breakdown of dating app pickup lines, in order from least to most successful.
10. "Hey," "Hi," "Heyyy" (any variation of these)
Overall analysis: Most guys did NOT seem receptive to just a plain old "hey." No real shock there. I messaged five guys a variation of "hey," and three of them responded. One of them just said "hey" back (riveting!), another one proceeded to message me four times and then gave me his number in the hope that I'd text him, and one guy (above) was a real winner with a cut-to-the-chase approach for which I wish I could give him a pat on the back.
Use if: Variations on "hey" are for amateurs only. Use only if you want to have a snooze-worthy conversation or are trying to ease yourself into the world of dating apps.
9. "What's up," "Wat up," "Sup" etc.
Overall analysis: Just like "hey," "what's up" didn't really lead to much conversation. To be fair, there's really not much you can reply to this one, but it does open the door for a bit more conversation than "hey." For instance, if I were into "shitt [sic] cruising cars and smoking" maybe this guy and I would have hit it off. Of the three guys I messaged "what's up," two of them responded and the conversation did not go on for long, if at all.
Use if: You want to chance that you and this Tinder stranger have something spectacular in common and will immediately hit it off.
8. The cheesy pickup line
Overall analysis: Some guys were really grossed out by this one, and others used it to steer the conversation in weird directions. This guy, to his credit, played along, and we exchanged double entendres in a Tinder messaging sparring match.
Use if: You want to gross out douchey guys who think they're hot shit, or take a chance that some hottie will get super turned on.
7. Talking about music
Overall analysis: I was surprised more guys didn't respond to this—of the four I messaged, two of whom were musicians—only this guy (above) responded...and he ISN'T EVEN INTO MUSIC. The good thing about this one is that if you're like me, and you judge a guy by his Spotify playlists, it'll weed out the ones who just aren't worth your time.
Use if: You're looking to start off the conversation casually, but secretly preparing to judge every fiber of their beings to see if you'd be a match.
6. The extremely forward pickup line
Overall analysis: This one actually went over better than I expected. I figured a lot of guys would run at the thought of replacing my hypothetical ex-boyfriend. But it turns out many men are good at algebra and very willing to help!
Use if: You're as confident in your man-bait skills as Taylor Swift in "Blank Space."
5. The filthy pickup line
Overall analysis: Guys who are looking to get laid will respond and LOVE IT. I messaged three guys with this one and all of them responded in gross ways, or (my personal favorite) with another weird AF pickup line. This pickup line is something guys can't ignore, since it's so forward and honest, which, apparently, goes over well on the Tindersphere.
Use if: You're horny on a Friday night and willing to leave your apartment to getchyo sexy on.
4. Would-you-rather questions
Overall analysis: Guys were generally receptive to would-you-rather questions—they make for pretty good icebreakers, and you can get pretty creative with them. I tried a variety of these, from weird to normal, and almost every one of them got a response.
Use if: You want to gauge whether or not this person is someone you could see yourself hanging out with in a nonsexual way.
3. Nick Jonas lyrics
Overall analysis: I messaged three guys with "Jealous" lyrics and ALL were about it and wanted to meet up. One guy gave me his number, another said "I like that, we should meet up sometime," while the guy above just wanted to get right down to business. Niiiice.
Use if: You want to get it on with a hot stranger on a dating app and never talk to him again.
2. Nostalgia questions
Overall analysis: So, the music question might not have worked out as well as I wanted it to, but the nostalgia Q seemed to do the trick. We were all kids at relatively the same time, so bonding over things like old TV shows and movies generally gets people talking. (If you try this one, I hope the dude will be able to spell your name correctly.)
Use if: You're looking for a Netflix and chill buddy with whom you can reminisce about the beauty of Saturday morning cartoons.
1. "What's your favorite breakfast food?"
Overall analysis: THIS IS IT! THIS ONE WINS! I messaged six guys a variation of "What's your favorite breakfast food?" (i.e. "What's your favorite kind of pancake? donut?" etc.) and ALL of them responded. This question is a natural icebreaker—better than would-you-rather questions. I mean, most Millennials are always down to talk about breakfast.
Use if: You want to actually get to know someone on the app—it opens up a whole world of conversation topics and it's something everyone is excited to talk about.